On account of being Raw...

photo credit:

@thebabecollective  on instagram

The weather has been stormy in California, gray dark and cold. It's winter after all but we aren't used to that on this side of the earth. Especially with the thousand year drought we've had over here.

It's been playing with my moods a bit. Artists have been known to be a bit moody.

I like to say "raw". Not because I don't like the term moody. I just think "raw" describes the state of being so much better.

Raw indicates that the whole body is involved. It's not just an emotion. When I am raw it is a complete state of being. Everything that comes into contact good or bad hits me and it's raw.

Could be very good for art... could be very good for curling up in fetal position and sleeping.

I saw this picture recently on the inter-webs and it really spoke to me.

When you're doing that deep down and sometimes dirty work it can be a bit lone wolf lonesome at times. You sometimes need to create your own stars in the sky so to speak to get through the darkness.

I wanted to blog today, not really knowing what I was going to say. Didn't' really have a direction. Just wanted to share this image with you all... whoever is out there...whoever might be reading. 

If nothing else for myself to get it down, get it out.

I think I might create a story board of sorts, get all these images out of the computer and into my life, the ones that pull me through and inspire me. The ones that rip out my guts and remind me that being raw is what I came here for. The ones that make me remember that being alive is all the senses all together at once. To remember that being inspired doesn't mean that you sit and wait for the aha but you just show up and make your mark.

Open your windows loves. Paint a star in your dark sky if you have to... ask for help if you need it.

Suntsaa <3

Suntsaa means love in Native Shoshone Language

Stamping, Trampling & Snorting

There's this thing about uncharted territories.

Places we long to go but never dare.

Things we want to do but find a million reasons not to.

Connections we wish we could make but feel undeserved.

I'm smack in the middle of this and it's showing in my journaling pages.

This ariel view of sorts... of a forming or damaged coast line.

Huge mountains protruding out of the ground, mountainous feats I suppose.

Reflecting my yearning to make changes and connections and not quite sure how to do that.

The other night I dreamt of picnicking in the midst of a herd of Bison.

As they peacefully grazed I was suddenly startled by a stamping, trampling, snorting White Bison on hillside staring straight at me ready to charge.

I sat frozen, half saying to myself... well I belong here and if I sit still this Bison will know that.

Of course the other half of me wanted to run.

It was quite a dream one I wont likely forget any time soon... if ever.

So here's what I know today 

I will show up. I will do the work. I will move INTO the fear because 

I have the right to be here... just like you do.

So take a seat next to me, let's do this together.

Suntsaa <3

{Suntsaa means LOVE in the Shoshone language, my Grandmothers people, my people}

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<> Journal Entry today I wrote<>

I think staying in the flow of creativity is Hope. It's a steady stream of hope. It is a trust fall of sorts. It's a shedding of the skin down to the star dust of our sacred selves and setting fire hope.

At least that is what I envision hope.

Not just the word slapped on shabby chic wood signs in every boutique downtown, but an actual spirit in things. It's got me through many a dark and stormy lone wolf night.

It carries me through on its Bison Back today.

I journeyed with Pixie Lighthorse today in our first meeting of Sisters on a Journey 2016

I was hoping to share the Journey here but it was deeply personal and something that I will have to keep going back to in the weeks to come to suck the marrow from, make sure all the medicine is put in my medicine pouch for future journeying!

I am a fortunate daughter of the universe to be with these women at this time and you can join us too at any time.. I hope you do.

This Art Journal page came out after my Journey work... actually about 4-5 pages came out and I will be working on those in the month to follow until we all meet again next month. All Love <3

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Follow me on instagram @kitty_o_hello 

Just like the river

It's been a long time coming... but I believe my change has come

I have had Queen of Soul's bone crushing, soul soothing, heart wrenching voice in my head for over two months.
It's been twisting and turning in my body, making it's way through every stubborn cell that says
 ... It's too late.
Aretha Franklin's truth spills out when she steps to the microphone. There is no magic trick, no illusion, no sparkly distractions.
It's her. Her Truth. Her Microphone. Her Voice.
And she manages to tear me open with one perfect lyrical line and put me back together again the next.

See a change is coming. A change is here. I literally woke up in the middle of a conversation with my best friend and husband. We were having a serious discussion about what needs to change.
And I heard thunder rolling and lightning striking inside of my bones.
And I knew I'd never be the same.
See I know all the affirmations.
I sing and share and admire them.
They are nothing without action.

A change is coming. A change is here. Ohhhhh yes it is.

Aretha is teaching me something else. She's teaching me to take it low and slow. The the draw of her voice... like honey. No rush. It's not too late. You are where you need to be. Keep moving. Don't stop. There is no looking back because there is nothing there.
A change is coming. A change is here.

Here's some visuals of my life lately.

And oh what a day it was....  

Beautiful Ojai trip yesterday, the sun was shinning, the water was clear. I made my way down the 101 California Coast with anticipation in my heart, and a belly full of nerves.
Painting. With others. Whom I don't know. Painting from The Source. What an adventure.
I left early, hoping to get a jump on the day, to be able to have a moment to ground my self before entering the studio. However life happened, I got a tummy ache, I took a wrong turn. I was not "late" but I was not "early" as I wanted... I like to be early. I like to watch others walk in, not the other way around.
I got there, right at 10:00. Everyone else was there but me. Instant panic. Instant discomfort. Instant urge to flee. I was greeted by a small woman with a beautiful accented voice who directed me to the room to place my things. I then made my way back into the Studio/Living Room of Aviva Gold, my "mid-wife" for the day. What a gorgeous human being. The living room was chock full of affirmations everywhere I looked. STAY ON YOUR EDGE. STAY IN THE PROCESS.
We were all there. We were all unsure, we were all a bit awkward, but we were all there for the same thing.... To Paint. To Heal. To faciliate. To Witness.

The day went quickly, I felt waves and waves of emotion, as I usually do in a group setting, picking up on others emotions, insecurities, anger, discomfort.
I went through waves of nausea, headache, fatigue and severe bladder and lower back aches.
I stayed with the process, stepping back every so often to look at my painting, to listen to her...to understand her needs, her desires, her Lion Heart.
I painted an owl woman, a bird, flowers, sky, and a huge face with blood dripping from her lips..it was scary, it disturbed me a bit...but I felt at ease. I felt a deep connection to the imagery. I fell in love with her. I stayed on MY EDGE, by pushing through the embodiment of the painting, a ritual type of practice that yields the paintings energy through your body. It was prophetic. It was terrifying. It was sacred. It was necessary.
I left feeling a sense of gratitude. I left with a bigger sense of self. I left with new air in my lungs.
I left without my painting.

ouch.

And as I drove away the headache that I no longer endured hit my like a ton truck. Full fledge migraine headache with the dry heaves. I had to pull over 4 times on the freeway, to rest...to cry....to close my eyes from the pain. I had to eventually call my husband to come and get me...as I could not drive any longer. Half way through this horrible trip home I realized I had left her...and I immediately thought...THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO SICK!
It's Okay...I left it for a reason. I left it because I need to return to Ojai...I need to stay on my edge. I will see her again, and when I do it will be a lovely reunion. Together again in Beautiful Sacred Ojai with Aviva again as my mid-wife.

Thank you to all who witnessed my breakthroughs, my triumphs and for seeing Me. As Me.Lion Hearts Stay on your Edge. Stay in the Process. Find your Sacred Ojai!!

With Gratitude ...

Thank you so much to Hali for the opportunity to share my heart with everyone... Women, you inspire me, you are the pure definition of beauty. Thank you, thank you for holding on, pushing through, overcoming, creating.. in doing this, my amazing sisters, you lift us all out of the dark and into the light..where we belong. Steadfast with your Lion Hearts... onward and upwards. With gratitude, I am a grateful child of this Universe. 

ARTIST HEALER SPOTLIGHT SERIES- KITTY OPPEGARD /HANDOVERHEART STUDIOS

♡CLASSES I'm Taking: AROUSE

 ♡CLASSES I'm Teaching:  ALTERED BOOKS