Home through Star Shine.... : allowing

It's been a long time coming... but I believe my change has come

I have had Queen of Soul's bone crushing, soul soothing, heart wrenching voice in my head for over two months.
It's been twisting and turning in my body, making it's way through every stubborn cell that says
... It's too late.
Aretha Franklin's truth spills out when she steps to the microphone. There is no magic trick, no illusion, no sparkly distractions.
It's her. Her Truth. Her Microphone. Her Voice.
And she manages to tear me open with one perfect lyrical line and put me back together again the next.

See a change is coming. A change is here. I literally woke up in the middle of a conversation with my best friend and husband. We were having a serious discussion about what needs to change.
And I heard thunder rolling and lightning striking inside of my bones.
And I knew I'd never be the same.
See I know all the affirmations.
I sing and share and admire them.
They are nothing without action.

A change is coming. A change is here. Ohhhhh yes it is.

Aretha is teaching me something else. She's teaching me to take it low and slow. The the draw of her voice... like honey. No rush. It's not too late. You are where you need to be. Keep moving. Don't stop. There is no looking back because there is nothing there.
A change is coming. A change is here.

Here's some visuals of my life lately.

Fall.

I did just that. I allowed myself to fall into Sacred Space this past month.

Answering questions regarding space for myself and allowing room to grow...and making it sacred.

Falling pushed way past my comfort zones and into terrain un-ventured.

I fell back into ways that came naturally, 2nd nature as it were.

And it was delicious and it was uncomfortable and it was scary and you guessed it, perfect.

Here's what I learned.

1. Say Yes

2. Show up

3. Work at being present the WHOLE time

Three relatively easy steps right?

Wrong.

Lets FALL into those Lion Hearts....

Saying yes- this means that you have to push past time, money and the importance of you creating sacred space. This means borrowing money, putting things on credit cards before the holiday. Taking vacation days that are so precious or more so sick days. Work will always be there. And the money that you are making to work should go towards sacred space, towards your growth.

Showing up- This means not backing out, backing down, giving in, making excuses good or bad...because we are all so very good at that yes. Obligations for the family will always be there. Your obligation to your family should be to take time for your growth and sacred space. Period.

This means getting on planes that you're afraid of, dealing with tight spaces, crowds, panic attacks, hustle bustle. This means keeping the YES alive.

Being Present- You've said yes. You've showed up. Now....can you stay present? I know you want to but are you letting your mind make that decision?

That's the fight.

Mind/heart Mind/heart back and forth back and forth. For me personally it tends to exhaust me...if I let it. I have this inner dialogue that I've discovered lately. "Yes yes mind, I hear you- it's not your turn, it's the hearts turn. Wait your turn".

I have learned in Sedona and then with this Sacred Space trip in Oregon that it's as easy as catching yourself in your head to just bring yourself back to the heart.

Of course it's easy to do in the beauty that is Oregon.

Reminders everywhere that this season is fleeting and there are these moments and colors that are so temporary... just like you Lion Heart.

What types of reminders can you put into this to bring you back to center?

The last night in Rhododendron it was a stormy one, and the lights on the property outside went out. We prepared our sacred space, lit every candle in the county, found christmas lights and strung them everywhere. Made a delicious meal and then danced to Tina Turner for hours.

It was a moment in time I will never ever forgot Lion Hearts.

My reflection dancing back at me in all the windows of the house, singing and dancing to the Fierce and Unapologetic Tina Turner.

"you better be good to me.... it's how it's GOTTA be now"

I sang at the top of my lungs and realized...that I was singing to myself.

I was dancing to myself.

I was allowing myself to create this space, allowing my growth, allowing my time, allowing allowing allowing.

To sing "bad" to dance "bad" to let it "all hang out" to giggle like a 5 year old to cry and let the tears come WITHOUT apology.

And I did it with the support of these two women and it was the most natural thing in the universe. To allow them to take care of me and visa versa.

Beautiful thing Lion Hearts when you allow.

Say yes.

Show up.

Stay Present.

:Morale of the story:

Sing More Tina Turner at the top of your lungs and dance without apology.

In fact....live your life without apology...okay Lion Heart?

Allow The Fall.

The Grotto of the Sorrowful Mother

Oh Mother....

Sylvia & Kathleen: Resident Goddess'

Wear your Crown Lion Hearts

I love you two...thank you for everything

View from my Room

Sacred

===== Other Life Stuffs=====

Some of you know that I have been dealing with a chronic infection on my right leg. Well in Oregon creating sacred space I broke out in 2 more infections. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis with vasculitis and pyoderma gangreosum. This is inflammation in my body causing bursted blood vessels in my foot and lower legs to form sores and they didn't know what it was for so long that they had become necrotic (flesh was dying). I am currently taking steroids to deal with the inflammation and blood work will be analyzed in the next week or so. There is comfort in finally KNOWING what's going on. There is of course all the other stuff that comes along with this that is scary, sad, disappointing. However... I have the support of both my families and all my friends and I feel confident that I will be able to live with this...and allow whatever is coming to just come.

Thank you for your love and support it means every single little thing to me Lion Hearts.

And here are more pictures from my very blessed life that I would love to share with all of you. I trust you had a very Thankful Thanksgiving. As we step into Christmas lets remember to Allow...and play Tina Turner whenever possible.