{Allowing} and Tina Turner....

Fall.

I did just that. I allowed myself to fall into Sacred Space this past month.

Answering questions regarding space for myself and allowing room to grow...and making it sacred.

Falling pushed way past my comfort zones and into terrain un-ventured.

I fell back into ways that came naturally, 2nd nature as it were. 

And it was delicious and it was uncomfortable and it was scary and you guessed it, perfect.

Here's what I learned.

1. Say Yes

2. Show up

3. Work at being present the WHOLE time 

Three relatively easy steps right?

Wrong. 

Lets FALL into those Lion Hearts....

Saying yes- this means that you have to push past time, money and the importance of you creating sacred space. This means borrowing money, putting things on credit cards before the holiday. Taking vacation days that are so precious or more so sick days. Work will always be there. And the money that you are making to work should go towards sacred space, towards your growth.

Showing up-  This means not backing out, backing down, giving in, making excuses good or bad...because we are all so very good at that yes.  Obligations for the family will always be there. Your obligation to your family should be to take time for your growth and sacred space. Period.

This means getting on planes that you're afraid of, dealing with tight spaces, crowds, panic attacks, hustle bustle. This means keeping the YES alive.

Being Present- You've said yes. You've showed up. Now....can you stay present? I know you want to but are you letting your mind make that decision? 

That's the fight.

Mind/heart Mind/heart back and forth back and forth. For me personally it tends to exhaust me...if I let it. I have this inner dialogue that I've discovered lately. "Yes yes mind, I hear you- it's not your turn, it's the hearts turn. Wait your turn".

I have learned in Sedona and then with this Sacred Space trip in Oregon that it's as easy as catching yourself in your head to just bring yourself back to the heart. 

Of course it's easy to do in the beauty that is Oregon. 

Reminders everywhere that this season is fleeting and there are these moments and colors that are so temporary... just like you Lion Heart.

What types of reminders can you put into this to bring you back to center? 

The last night in Rhododendron it was a stormy one, and the lights on the property outside went out. We prepared our sacred space, lit every candle in the county, found christmas lights and strung them everywhere. Made a delicious meal and then danced to Tina Turner for hours.

It was a moment in  time I will never ever forgot Lion Hearts.

My reflection dancing back at me in all the windows of the house, singing and dancing to the Fierce and Unapologetic Tina Turner.

"you better be good to me.... it's how it's GOTTA be now"

I sang at the top of my lungs and realized...that I was singing to myself.

I was dancing to myself.

I was allowing myself to create this space, allowing my growth, allowing my time, allowing allowing allowing.

To sing "bad" to dance "bad" to let it "all hang out" to giggle like a 5 year old to cry and let the tears come WITHOUT apology.

And I did it with the support of these two women and it was the most natural thing in the universe. To allow them to take care of me and visa versa.

Beautiful thing Lion Hearts when you allow.

Say yes. 

Show up.

Stay Present.

:Morale of the story: 

Sing More Tina Turner at the top of your lungs and dance without apology.

In fact....live your life without apology...okay Lion Heart? 

Allow The Fall.

The Grotto of the Sorrowful Mother  

Oh Mother.... 

Sylvia & Kathleen: Resident Goddess'

Wear your Crown Lion Hearts

I love you two...thank you for everything

View from my Room 

Sacred

 ===== Other Life Stuffs=====

Some of you know that I have been dealing with a chronic infection on my right leg. Well in Oregon creating sacred space I broke out in 2 more infections. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis with vasculitis and pyoderma gangreosum. This is inflammation in my body causing bursted blood vessels in my foot and lower legs to form sores and they didn't know what it was for so long that they had become necrotic (flesh was dying).  I am currently taking steroids to deal with the inflammation and blood work will be analyzed in the next week or so. There is comfort in finally KNOWING what's going on. There is of course all the other stuff that comes along with this that is scary, sad, disappointing. However... I have the support of both my families and all my friends and I feel confident that I will be able to live with this...and allow whatever is coming to just come. 

Thank you for your love and support it means every single little thing to me Lion Hearts.

And here are more pictures from my very blessed life that I would love to share with all of you. I trust you had a very Thankful Thanksgiving. As we step into Christmas lets remember to Allow...and play Tina Turner whenever possible.

My beautiful sister Monique & Nephew B and the Paparazzi

lots of BBQ's and bonfires!

Where's your tool belt babe? Making my art table!

Adam and Me

This baby just walked into our office and I tried to eat her because she's perfect Miss K

My co-worker Amanda I love you so much

Filling in the Blanks

And oh what a day it was....  

Beautiful Ojai trip yesterday, the sun was shinning, the water was clear. I made my way down the 101 California Coast with anticipation in my heart, and a belly full of nerves.
Painting. With others. Whom I don't know. Painting from The Source. What an adventure.
I left early, hoping to get a jump on the day, to be able to have a moment to ground my self before entering the studio. However life happened, I got a tummy ache, I took a wrong turn. I was not "late" but I was not "early" as I wanted... I like to be early. I like to watch others walk in, not the other way around.
I got there, right at 10:00. Everyone else was there but me. Instant panic. Instant discomfort. Instant urge to flee. I was greeted by a small woman with a beautiful accented voice who directed me to the room to place my things. I then made my way back into the Studio/Living Room of Aviva Gold, my "mid-wife" for the day. What a gorgeous human being. The living room was chock full of affirmations everywhere I looked. STAY ON YOUR EDGE. STAY IN THE PROCESS.
We were all there. We were all unsure, we were all a bit awkward, but we were all there for the same thing.... To Paint. To Heal. To faciliate. To Witness.

The day went quickly, I felt waves and waves of emotion, as I usually do in a group setting, picking up on others emotions, insecurities, anger, discomfort.
I went through waves of nausea, headache, fatigue and severe bladder and lower back aches.
I stayed with the process, stepping back every so often to look at my painting, to listen to her...to understand her needs, her desires, her Lion Heart.
I painted an owl woman, a bird, flowers, sky, and a huge face with blood dripping from her lips..it was scary, it disturbed me a bit...but I felt at ease. I felt a deep connection to the imagery. I fell in love with her. I stayed on MY EDGE, by pushing through the embodiment of the painting, a ritual type of practice that yields the paintings energy through your body. It was prophetic. It was terrifying. It was sacred. It was necessary.
I left feeling a sense of gratitude. I left with a bigger sense of self. I left with new air in my lungs.
I left without my painting.

ouch.

And as I drove away the headache that I no longer endured hit my like a ton truck. Full fledge migraine headache with the dry heaves. I had to pull over 4 times on the freeway, to rest...to cry....to close my eyes from the pain. I had to eventually call my husband to come and get me...as I could not drive any longer. Half way through this horrible trip home I realized I had left her...and I immediately thought...THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO SICK!
It's Okay...I left it for a reason. I left it because I need to return to Ojai...I need to stay on my edge. I will see her again, and when I do it will be a lovely reunion. Together again in Beautiful Sacred Ojai with Aviva again as my mid-wife.

Thank you to all who witnessed my breakthroughs, my triumphs and for seeing Me. As Me.Lion Hearts Stay on your Edge. Stay in the Process. Find your Sacred Ojai!!