Beautiful Ojai trip yesterday, the sun was shinning, the water was clear. I made my way down the 101 California Coast with anticipation in my heart, and a belly full of nerves.
Painting. With others. Whom I don't know. Painting from The Source. What an adventure.
I left early, hoping to get a jump on the day, to be able to have a moment to ground my self before entering the studio. However life happened, I got a tummy ache, I took a wrong turn. I was not "late" but I was not "early" as I wanted... I like to be early. I like to watch others walk in, not the other way around.
I got there, right at 10:00. Everyone else was there but me. Instant panic. Instant discomfort. Instant urge to flee. I was greeted by a small woman with a beautiful accented voice who directed me to the room to place my things. I then made my way back into the Studio/Living Room of Aviva Gold, my "mid-wife" for the day. What a gorgeous human being. The living room was chock full of affirmations everywhere I looked. STAY ON YOUR EDGE. STAY IN THE PROCESS.
We were all there. We were all unsure, we were all a bit awkward, but we were all there for the same thing.... To Paint. To Heal. To faciliate. To Witness.
The day went quickly, I felt waves and waves of emotion, as I usually do in a group setting, picking up on others emotions, insecurities, anger, discomfort.
I went through waves of nausea, headache, fatigue and severe bladder and lower back aches.
I stayed with the process, stepping back every so often to look at my painting, to listen to her...to understand her needs, her desires, her Lion Heart.
I painted an owl woman, a bird, flowers, sky, and a huge face with blood dripping from her lips..it was scary, it disturbed me a bit...but I felt at ease. I felt a deep connection to the imagery. I fell in love with her. I stayed on MY EDGE, by pushing through the embodiment of the painting, a ritual type of practice that yields the paintings energy through your body. It was prophetic. It was terrifying. It was sacred. It was necessary.
I left feeling a sense of gratitude. I left with a bigger sense of self. I left with new air in my lungs.
I left without my painting.
ouch.And as I drove away the headache that I no longer endured hit my like a ton truck. Full fledge migraine headache with the dry heaves. I had to pull over 4 times on the freeway, to rest...to cry....to close my eyes from the pain. I had to eventually call my husband to come and get me...as I could not drive any longer. Half way through this horrible trip home I realized I had left her...and I immediately thought...THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO SICK!
It's Okay...I left it for a reason. I left it because I need to return to Ojai...I need to stay on my edge. I will see her again, and when I do it will be a lovely reunion. Together again in Beautiful Sacred Ojai with Aviva again as my mid-wife.