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I think staying in the flow of creativity is Hope. It's a steady stream of hope. It is a trust fall of sorts. It's a shedding of the skin down to the star dust of our sacred selves and setting fire hope.

At least that is what I envision hope.

Not just the word slapped on shabby chic wood signs in every boutique downtown, but an actual spirit in things. It's got me through many a dark and stormy lone wolf night.

It carries me through on its Bison Back today.

I journeyed with Pixie Lighthorse today in our first meeting of Sisters on a Journey 2016

I was hoping to share the Journey here but it was deeply personal and something that I will have to keep going back to in the weeks to come to suck the marrow from, make sure all the medicine is put in my medicine pouch for future journeying!

I am a fortunate daughter of the universe to be with these women at this time and you can join us too at any time.. I hope you do.

This Art Journal page came out after my Journey work... actually about 4-5 pages came out and I will be working on those in the month to follow until we all meet again next month. All Love <3

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And oh what a day it was....  

Beautiful Ojai trip yesterday, the sun was shinning, the water was clear. I made my way down the 101 California Coast with anticipation in my heart, and a belly full of nerves.
Painting. With others. Whom I don't know. Painting from The Source. What an adventure.
I left early, hoping to get a jump on the day, to be able to have a moment to ground my self before entering the studio. However life happened, I got a tummy ache, I took a wrong turn. I was not "late" but I was not "early" as I wanted... I like to be early. I like to watch others walk in, not the other way around.
I got there, right at 10:00. Everyone else was there but me. Instant panic. Instant discomfort. Instant urge to flee. I was greeted by a small woman with a beautiful accented voice who directed me to the room to place my things. I then made my way back into the Studio/Living Room of Aviva Gold, my "mid-wife" for the day. What a gorgeous human being. The living room was chock full of affirmations everywhere I looked. STAY ON YOUR EDGE. STAY IN THE PROCESS.
We were all there. We were all unsure, we were all a bit awkward, but we were all there for the same thing.... To Paint. To Heal. To faciliate. To Witness.

The day went quickly, I felt waves and waves of emotion, as I usually do in a group setting, picking up on others emotions, insecurities, anger, discomfort.
I went through waves of nausea, headache, fatigue and severe bladder and lower back aches.
I stayed with the process, stepping back every so often to look at my painting, to listen to her...to understand her needs, her desires, her Lion Heart.
I painted an owl woman, a bird, flowers, sky, and a huge face with blood dripping from her lips..it was scary, it disturbed me a bit...but I felt at ease. I felt a deep connection to the imagery. I fell in love with her. I stayed on MY EDGE, by pushing through the embodiment of the painting, a ritual type of practice that yields the paintings energy through your body. It was prophetic. It was terrifying. It was sacred. It was necessary.
I left feeling a sense of gratitude. I left with a bigger sense of self. I left with new air in my lungs.
I left without my painting.

ouch.

And as I drove away the headache that I no longer endured hit my like a ton truck. Full fledge migraine headache with the dry heaves. I had to pull over 4 times on the freeway, to rest...to cry....to close my eyes from the pain. I had to eventually call my husband to come and get me...as I could not drive any longer. Half way through this horrible trip home I realized I had left her...and I immediately thought...THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SO SICK!
It's Okay...I left it for a reason. I left it because I need to return to Ojai...I need to stay on my edge. I will see her again, and when I do it will be a lovely reunion. Together again in Beautiful Sacred Ojai with Aviva again as my mid-wife.

Thank you to all who witnessed my breakthroughs, my triumphs and for seeing Me. As Me.Lion Hearts Stay on your Edge. Stay in the Process. Find your Sacred Ojai!!

I'm an April Fool for you...

Audrey Elizabeth died at 10:01 p.m.. 8 years ago.
April Fools.
The nurses were nice enough to unhook her...nice enough to move out most furniture so that all family and friends could stand and bare witness to her passing.
I've never experienced so much magic as that night.

She took
1
2
3
breaths and she left this world... only to meet, I'm sure, Her Creator in a heavenly bliss and a chorus of angels singing her in.
And at that moment I wanted to go with her.

8 years later, I enjoy talking about her.
I enjoy believing in the notion that somehow The Creator chose me...to care for an Angel...
a bit of a foreign exchange student of the Celestial High.
She truly saved all aspects of me.
She truly opened my eyes to the aspects of others.
She made my heart expand & beam.


Dear Audrey,
It's mama... I feel you all around me. You are home and I am grateful. What I wouldn't give for one more lullaby. What I wouldn't give to make you smile again.
What I wouldn't give to feel your precious body against mine.. as I breathed all my wishes, hopes, my despairs, my tears into that perfectly crooked little ear.
My Hewdie Dewdie.
Mama Loves you...

Growing through grief is torture. Yet I for one am thankful.