Embrace the Messy

Life is messy. Much like any art form. There is a period in the process of completion that there is an inevitable veriable. Mess.

I used to get caught up in this. Cleaning as I go. I mean this literally and figuratively.
I have learned in my latter 30s that the mess... IS... life. It's the process. You've heard this expression right? "It's about the process.. not the end result".

It's not about the completion. At the completion of life is death. My truth in death there is a rebirth in a sense back to your original form, your soul.
However at the completion of any form of Art.. there is a sense of gratification, a sense of accomplishment, a sense of wonder.. "how did I get through that"..."how did I weed through that mess and come up with this masterpiece".
It is my truth that at the end of life.. it is the same celebration.

Wow. How exciting that we are here in human form to work on our dream.. on our masterpiece..and our art is our life.. how we live our life!
I find great comfort in this, as I've really been working on celebrating even the small things.
Like getting outta bed in the morning and not cursing that I have to go to work .. ( you feel me?)
Like choosing BODY ACCEPTANCE instead of telling myself that I will do that, wear that, say that, experience that, eat that..when I am "skinny again".
Like choosing to put myself out there with my thoughts, art, love, light with NO angle. No sense of "what will I get outta this".. "whats in this for me".
Just being big, beautiful, glittery, me...Kitty, Kristy, Kristina, Mom, Wife=Babe, Sister, Friend.

I am filled suddenly typing this with a sense of gratitude and solace. What an amazingly blessed feeling that has washed over me. I am grateful and I believe absolutely hands down blessed beyond my wildest dreams, for what I have in this very moment. Now. and Now. and again.....Now.
HAPPY TEARS FOR THIS LION HEART!

I invite you to mull this over. Put in your favorite inspiring song and just think on your life. REALLY look at the messy parts. Ew. It's ugly isn't it? It's beautiful...isn't it?
Now look where you are right now. Literally right now..sitting where you are.  You are so beautiful... look at you with all your bumps and scars and bruises. Look at you with that smile spreading, those tears welling.
Oh my heart !!!   It's over flowing with how stunning you are.
Take this truth if it serves you and put it into the weakest part of your heart and let it bloom.

You are loved. You ARE love. Go live your messy life Lion Hearts <3


Gift for You:

The Eternal Optimist from WriteAboutMaps on 8tracks Radio.

LION HEARTS I LOVE YOU!

♡CLASSES I'm Taking: AROUSE

 ♡CLASSES I'm Teaching:  ALTERED BOOKS

Witness

Los Osos Valley Road Sunset 12/29/2011

Tonight driving home from a very productive day at work...a 4 day weekend winking at me...
I was bathed in pink/blue light from the sunset.
That ol' familiar country road ... looked completely like something out of a movie.
And it took a lot of energy not to pull over & just stop and stare.
And I thought afterwards...as I watched the pink turn into orange.....

I should have stopped.

After all how many sunsets will I witness in my life time?
Maybe that was my last.

When I have opportunities. When I have moments that I can spend in awe of greatness.. like an unfolding sunset, I shall take it. Another promise to myself for this year.
Simple. Done.

Me. 2012. Lion Hearted and awed.

Deserving...

there she stood wings spread heart open
d e s e r v i n g ...

What makes one deserving?
Is it a life of hardship...deserving reprieve.
Is it a life of hard work...deserving reward.
Is it a life of sacrifice.....

Oh and we say... well how dare they have ______ or how dare they _____ they don't DESERVE that.
I deserve that more than they do... I .. a/b/c.
Sad to say this is a normal ego centric knee jerk we got going on in our brains at any given time.

Who is deserved?
You are.
I am.
We are.
They are.
She is.
He is.

I deserve the life I have chosen to live. I firmly believe that we are here on this planet because we chose to be here.
I do NOT believe that we are undeserving when we enter this life.
That we are somehow..unclean, undeserving, unworthy.
That is the biggest lie ever told.
Quite the opposite.
We are SO deserving.
And so... you... reading this... remind yourself- daily, weekly, hourly if you must.
That you are deserved.
And smile.

Hold it

my fav xmas decoration

I am surrounded by beauty.
I live on the Central Coast of California...where it's amazing beauty everywhere at all times.
We even kinda get some seasons here ... bonus.
I have massive mountains of moss to the right, the ocean to the left, national parks in my backyard...and LA a few hours south and San Fran <3 my fav a few hours north.

H e a v e n.

And then there is this house.
It's old, it's in serious need of repair...it's dusty and there is mold that I try to keep 1 step ahead of... most of the time failing miserably.
I'm an organized mess, I clean when I am going to have company and I have separate clothes piles.
One clean, One dirty, One not-so-sure.

M e s s.

And then there are the inhabitants of this wreck of a home.

One is so beautiful sometimes I could cry.
Her laugh is loud and strong.
She's honest to a fault and she's amazing courageous.
Social butterfly to a T.
16 1/2. Don't forget the 1/2 mom.
Oh my heart cracks wide open with love, adoration and pride for that little girl.
My Rhain.

One has a heart of gold.
Socially, withdrawn..only a select few... and when you're in you're in forever.
Smart as a whip.
Laugh that will melt your icy black heart.
And an ear for listening, and giving advice...sure to cure what ails ya.
And my cup runneth over in awe for that little man.
18 now mom. Don't pry too much. Back up. Give little man some space.
My Sunny.

See.. somewhere along the way Rhiannon was nicknamed Rhain. And Jake was nicknamed Sunny. And it's such a paradox. Rhiannon is definitely the more sunshiny one of the two. And Jakes is definitely more dreary.
My Sunny and Rhain.

And then..there he is.
My "holy shit I think I nabbed the last good one"...
A man who stole my heart to put it back together again.
He revers me. And I him.
He thinks I'm adorable and beautiful.
He thinks I am an amazing writer and artist.
He believes in every single thing I say or do or set out to do.
He dropped straight from heaven.
My husband. My Adam.
And my heart bursts into flame whenever he's around.

I wish for every single human being on the planet to know this love.
I wish for every single human being that HAS this love remember they have it, hold it sacred, cherish it.


And that is my wish for 2012.
To hold that and those that I love sacred.cherished.remembered.

Full of Wish and Lion-Hearted.